Oooops.. it happened again! Another hospital stay and still no answers

Just when I thought things were back to normal.. my heart decided it was time for another 2 night stay at the Holiday Inn.. I mean University of Iowa Hospital. It was a beautiful Sunday and we were driving back after having an amazing time with my sister and her family in Florida. I started having chest pain on Saturday but thought it would go away. And.. nope the next day it got worse. I finally told Joe and we ended up going to a rural hospital in Mt. Pleasant, Ia. The ER was small and really made me concerned that what if something happens to me? Do these people know what to do? My worries were cast aside after the amazing care I received. At first, they thought I had a blood clot from traveling but due to my history they decided to transport me to U of I for further follow up. One ambulance ride later, many hours in the ER and at 3AM finally a room! 

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Nitro drip, heparin drip and many pain meds and I still was continuing to have the worst chest pain I've ever experienced. All the tests were done, EKG, Echo and blood draws and still no answers. Frustration is an understatement! All I could think about is I do not want to go through this again only 5 months later. 

They decided to do another angiogram in the cath lab to rule out another dissection. Since my heart attack I have done extensive research on this topic SCAD- Sudden coronary artery dissection. The Cardiologists in Iowa City tell me it’s rare and has a high percentage of reoccurrence. Thank GOD the angiogram was negative.. My stents are working like a charm. All they could conclude is that the Heparin did its job and busted any clot that was causing my chest pain. 

Fast forward to today.. I take my son for his high school athletic physical and it hits me smackdab

in the face.. THE QUESTION !! HAS ANY FAMILY MEMBER HAD A HEART ATTACK AT LESS THAN 55 YEARS OF AGE? For years, I have been filling out his form and like a robot mark NO across the board for his health history. And then the question I've never noticed or maybe never read until today. 

The infamous question!

This leads to a million questions (well maybe I'm exaggerating a bit) from the nurse practitioner and I again have to tell my story. I so wish I could go back to the day where I was boring and continued to mark NO on health history sheets. But, it goes back again to this now being apart of whom I am and what my kids now have to answer on health forms. 

When looking at my heart attack I continue to look at it as a hidden blessing. I live each day to the fullest and no longer take life for granted. I use to continually get stressed about the little things.. but it’s funny once you think you may not get a chance to fret about the little things in life you begin to laugh it off and LIVE!!



3-31-16/ The day that almost....

Before today, all birthdays were a day of celebration, gifts, and cake!! Today takes on a whole new meaning. Last night before bed I said my prayers and thanked GOD for giving me tomorrow. Tomorrow, why would I have to be thankful for tomorrow you ask? Well, until this year I had always taken for granted that March 31st would come. In the past, it symbolized the day I got to drive, my first beer and then last year turning the big 40!! Joe had always told me that when you turn 40, you start to fall apart. I laughed at him and thought he was nuts! Well, Joe you were right beyond your words. I had my first set of stitches from a pizza cutter incident, diverticulitis, and the big Heart Attack! Yikes, let's hope 41 is a better year.

Not only did I fall apart I almost lost it all. I sit here and write this blog post today with tears filling my eyes. Crazy right!! I should be over the moon excited that I get to go out to eat and have Birthday Cake ( Heart Healthy of course... maybe not), but all I can think about is that this day almost didn't happen.

There is no playbook that the nurses give you when you leave the hospital.( How I wish there was!) It would have chapters such as 1. Happy Days that now take on a new meaning. 2. Emotions beyond emotions. 3. Sam's Club memberships for Kleenex. 3. Grieving the old you. 4. Family, strengthening the ties that bind. 5. Never taking anything for granted. 6. Exercise.. The turtle vs. the rabbit. 7. Cardiac Rehab, bonding with strangers over your common bond.

It's been fun getting all the birthday wishes on Facebook and texts from friends and families. Although I will have to admit I have had many tears, they are happy tears. Tears, that I have so many loved ones in my life. Friends that I haven't talked to for years are reaching out. As I sit here and write I listen to the 10,000 Maniacs and their song These are the Days.  A song that holds a deep meaning. Joe and I call it our song, I listened to it over and over when my dad passed to remind me that life must go on.  And today LIFE DOES GO ON!!  In the song, it says " These are days that  you'll remember, never before and never since I promise."  Although these last seven weeks have been hard as crazy as it is to say, I wouldn't change the experiences I've had. It has made my family slow down and begin to enjoy every moment of every day. We find ourselves laughing more. Parker's favorite quote is "Mom, did I just give you another heart attack?"  Humor makes us who we are.. and everyone needs more of that in their lives!!

Joe for my birthday this morning gave me the Pandora Heart charm for my bracelet! It sparkles, just like my true heart.. for the new lease on life GOD has given me!! Both Julie and Jennifer gave me the bracelets above it. The Circle represents the path of life and the sailboat the journey.

Tomorrow I graduate from Cardiac Rehab!! I will be holding my diploma high. As one chapter in my life ends another begins!!



Starting new.. time to put the blood pressure cuff away

Monday begins a new chapter in my life. I am going back to work after five weeks off and ready to get back into the swing of things.(well, maybe not that excited about it) Today I looked at Joe and said: "its time to put the blood pressure cuff away." That cuff that has sat beside me on the coffee table for many weeks for those times I felt light headed and dizzy. I don't feel the need for it anymore since they finally have my medication on the right track, and I'm able to walk more and not get so short of breath.

My new start on Monday will include both work and cardiac rehab. I won't lie to you I am nervous to begin work again. I feel like I am so far behind and have no idea where to start... I guess I'll just open up the emails and take them one at a time. I have made a promise to myself that I am going to try not to get stressed out! (ok.. manage my stress better). We all have experienced that feeling of doom and gloom after coming off vacation, opening up your computer and seeing the long list of emails and wondering what do I do??? These last five weeks have not been a vacation..I have struggled both mentally and physically to understand what happened to me and how to keep simply just putting one foot in front of the other.

At the beginning of this experience, I had dreaded going to cardiac rehab and getting asked " Why are you here? You are so young? What happened?

Now, that I've gotten to know my group members I look forward to seeing their smiling faces three times a week. Over the last two weeks, I have had members of my cardiac rehab group graduate from phase 2 and begin phase 3. (I'm currently in phase 2 until April). I hate to say it, but I find myself sad when they graduate and leave me behind. Don't get me wrong I'm excited that they are doing well enough to be able to move on, but I miss having conversations with them on the treadmills.  I look forward to the day that I graduate from cardiac rehab and yet put another stage of the healing process behind me.

The other day on the treadmills the conversation among the cardiac rehab group was longevity. They talked about many of their siblings and parents having had heart attacks as young as 45 years old. I almost fell off the treadmill.... wow, I have that beat!!!  Now, I can see Brenna and Parker at their doctors appointments checking the box for family history of heart attacks. Up until this point, I had looked at my longevity as how long my grandparents had lived. I never once thought about how my heart attack would now change the course of my kids longevity conversations. I had always thought of my longevity line as being amazing long. All my grandparents had lived well into their golden years. When I filled out my life insurance almost 15 years ago, I was considered high risk because my dad had passed away from lung cancer. Not heart disease, not a heart attack or stroke. It's truly amazing how one split second can alter not only your life but your kids. When I use to go to the doctor, and they would ask me what medications I was taking I would say one.. and joke with them about how boring I was. Now, I pull out my medication sheet and go from nuts to bolts about the medications I'm on. My family doctor said not many patients surprise me, but you make the top 5!

This experience has forever altered not just my life but also my families. I appreciate all the kind words over these last few weeks. I don't know how I would have ever gotten through this without the love of my friends and family. Although Monday will bring a lot of emotions and a new definition of me.. I'm ready to get back into life. This weekend I began to increase my activity level and although at the end of the day I was extremely tired it was SO WORTH IT!!

Below are some pictures of me beginning to enjoy life again as the new me.. Sure I now pack two stents in my right coronary artery, but I also pack a new beginning.. This heart attack will not define who I am as a person or limit what I am capable of! It is just a blip on the radar of life... WATCH OUT WORLD BECAUSE HERE I COME!

St. Patrick's Parade 2016 with Jackie Ludwig a close family friend.

Scared, Nervous, and frightened... a 10 year olds perspective on heart attacks

Today as I write my blog my 10 year old daughter Brenna sits beside me. It's her first day of spring break and I explained to her that I have been writing a blog about my heart attack.  Up until this point I have written about how the heart attack has effected me and not from my families perspective. 

Scared, Nervous, and frightened... a 10 year olds perspective on heart attacks

I've asked her to share with me her thoughts about how our lives have changed over this past month. Don't get me wrong we've talked about the incident but she has really been quiet and reserved. Brenna has the personality of just dancing through life, smiles all the time and just goes. So having this time one on one this morning I wanted to ask her a few questions.

Q: Brenna what did you think when you found out I had a heart attack?

"That morning when dad woke me up and started talking to me about what happened to mom I thought it was all a dream" Brenna says. Brenna and Parker both handle stress in different ways. They knew that day that I had a heart attack but were unsure of what really happened or the outcome.

"We always watch Code Black, Chicago Med, and Grey's Anatomy whenever people have heart attacks on these shows I thought it was life or death" says Brenna.  Brenna said "scared, nervous, frightened, sad and weird were the emotions that went through her head. 

Q: What did you think as dad was driving you to see me for the first time?

"I was just tyring to keep my mind off of it, so I wouldn't freak out." "On the way up to the CCU room dad said don't be scared."

Q: How has your life changed since this happened?

"I have to clean more which I don't like, it just scares me that it might happen again." 

Q:  Have positive things came out of this experience?

"I'm closer with my mom now and I get to ride the bus to and from school everyday!"

Q: What words of advice do you have for other parents who have to talk to their kids about any type of sickness or disease?

" Be honest and tell them everything is going to be okay!

After we got done talking I asked Brenna if she had anything else to say and she just gave me a big hug!! This is a common theme in our house over the past month that I hope never changes. Nobody leaves the house without a hug and I love you.

I asked Brenna to give me a picture for my blog and this is what she felt best represents her!

Always remember that a heart attack not only affects you it also affects your whole family! Being open and honest with your kids no matter what age will help to make the healing process better and more understandable for all.

I can see clearly now.. the pain is going

Symbols: Common household items that mean so much more now..

Yep, this is my new morning and nightly routine. I look at this pill box as my lifeline to staying alive and out of the cath lab. This girl went from one pill per day to now 6 bottles lining her counter top. Every Sunday night I fill my pill box for the week.  I fear the day when taking these pills becomes too routine and I might forget. Then what? Did I just increase my risk of having another heart attack? What if skipping that last dose of my anti-platelet causes my stents to clot?  Crazy how much your mind can wander and so much focus can be put on a tiny pill the size of tic tac. ( Oh, and they sure don't taste like candy). How many times have I watched the Bayer aspirin commercial on TV and never thought that I would be that person. It's funny now how I look at objects in my house so differently. And whatdeep meaning these items hold.

Gus watching another episode of Dexter

This is Gus our lab/beagle mix he has been by my side through the rehab process. My mother -n- law said he would sit on my side of the bed and cry while I was in the hospital. Gus and I have always had a love/hate relationship. He would eat the garbage, pull all the dirty clothes (yep,including underwear) into the living room while we were at work and loves to howl at inappropriate times. But through this crazy time Gus has been a healer! The scary thing is  I think he is becoming addicted to Showtime and Dexter as you can see from the photo. Gus is a true symbol of love, compassion and healing. No matter where I am in the house Gus is at my side! I'll be the first to admit it some days can get lonely while I'm rehabbing and Gus is a constant companion.

How many times do we look out the window and see a dragon fly or a cardinal and it catches your eye and it makes you stop dead in your tracks and remember the loved ones who have passed. Well, for me these symbols represent the guardian angles that were ridding shot gun with me that night in the ambulance. I truly believe that a higher power decided it was not my time to go. And each morning when I wake up I THANK GOD for blessing me with another day.

Many times Joe and I would go Kayaking and be surrounded by dragonflies on the water. And then out of nowhere a dragonfly would sit on my Kayak and just rest. I would see my dad in that dragonfly and feel it was his way of letting me know he was with me. Joe and I always laugh when a Cardinal flies by while we're in the car. We instantly think of our dads an them saying HELLO MURPHY'S! A friend gave me the dragonfly while I was in the hospital and it brought tears to my eyes. She knew just how much this symbol meant to me and at that moment I needed HOPE!

But in the end the symbol that had helped me the most through this crazy ride is FAMILY! We have shared many laughs, tears and amazing experiences over these last few weeks. They are the reason that everyday I get up and I am so thankful for yet another day.

"Family is like music, some high notes, some low notes, but always a beautiful song"

This weeks goal is to continue Cardiac Rehab without pain and enjoy this beautiful spring weather!!