It has been almost three weeks since the night that forever altered my future. I am so thankful for the chest pain that woke me up, my knowledge to know that we needed to call 911 and an amazing support system from family and friends. But as a sit on the couch in a quiet house now that everybody has gone to school and work I often wonder to myself what is my new normal?? When will I be able just to run into Target or Hy-Vee and just grab a few things for the house? When can I run downstairs and get dirty clothes from my son's room? Do my kids think that mom will always be like this? No longer can I run around the house, empty the trash and start a load of laundry. We need bread, milk, etc.. how will I get that without asking for help? (I just like to go go go and not ask for help) One thing this heart attack has shown me is that IT'S OK TO ASK FOR HELP!! I know what your thinking this chick is nuts. I should be enjoying not being able to do chores. But what I am finding out is it's not about the chores it is about having a PURPOSE. The quote below really summarizes what my view of the world is now. Laugh a lot, don't sweat the small stuff and who cares if you don't have the cleanest house on the block.
Currently, I have a very limited walking distance. Simply, going from my car to the front of the store can be exhausting. ( No longer, can I sprint like it's Black Friday and run into stores ) I have an incredible husband who drops me off at the front door for my appointments and picks me up. My sister visited last week, and we needed to go into a store, and I had to get a scooter.( It's funny how people look at you and wonder... Why is that woman on a scooter?) Until this happened, I had taken for granted how long it is from the front of the store to the item you need. Why is it every item I need is always in the back of the store? OK, maybe that's an exaggeration.. but unless it's at the cash register it's in the back.. ha ha.
I would say that a positive to come from my heart attack is that my creative side has been awoken. One day I was getting ready to text my husband the grocery list and all I could think about is just one more thing I am asking him to do. Not only does he work all day, take the kids to their activities, now I'm asking him to get groceries. (Even though he doesn't care... I DO!) What happened to that multi-tasking mom who just went and did and never wanted to ask for help? Now, it seems that I sit in the living room and the hustle and bustle of the day goes on around me. Even though I know this is temporary, it still sucks...
That creativity I mentioned has helped with my limited mobility. We have truly been blessed with technology and online shopping. That grocery list I was going to text my husband I instead ordered all my groceries online and they ran the sacks out to his car after he got off work. Heck, it probably saved me money. How many times do we run into the grocery store and start grabbing stuff because it's there? I love ordering my groceries online, and this will be my new normal. I am so guilty of going in for three things and coming out with a cart full.
As the weeks, pass and I start to celebrate the little things. I feel that some sense of normalcy is coming back.
I was able to do a full session of Cardiac Rehab yesterday. The new medicine they started me on for my chest discomfort is starting to help really!!! The crazy Iowa weather is getting warmer, and soon Spring will be here. Although what I use to consider to be normal has done an 180-degree turn I wouldn't change it for a minute. I no longer take for granted that kiss on the cheek as my kids run to catch the bus or always telling someone at the end of a phone call I LOVE YOU. The consistent thing since my heart attack is that I now feel the cool wind on my face, the chimes blowing in the distance and celebrate all things no matter how small. I was able to go to my daughters Hooley this weekend and for me to think this might not have been possible three weeks ago.. I took in every minute and loved it.
Our life will never be the same but forever altered. As the weather starts to get warmer, I know the day will come that I can simply park in the Target lot, grab a Starbucks and just wander around the store.
Until then, my PURPOSE in life is to continue living every minute to the fullest!!
My goal this week is to continue with Cardiac Rehab and get all three days in with no chest discomfort.